What makes a Non Adversarial Divorce work?

Collaborative divorce can work spectacularly well. They are also known as Non Adversarial Divorce.

The main advantage of a collaborative divorce is that it helps preserve a good working relationship between the divorcing couple. An acrimonious divorce serves no one’s best interest – both parties often go through a great deal of emotional turmoil, from which you’ll feel the effects even if you “win.” A collaborative divorce can help you maintain your emotional health, start your new life on the right path, and be more likely to succeed as co-parents.

• It starts and ends with what the participants care about
• The collaborative process provides the structure for difficult conversations and helps with divorce assistance.

• Many couples choose collaborative divorce to reach an agreement without court. Collaborative divorce is a Non Adversarial Divorce and private process that focuses on reaching a creative divorce settlement that's fair and meets the needs of both spouses and their families.
• Parties realize that continuing their disputes may have costly consequences.
• They genuinely want to change the situation and need each other's cooperation to do so.
• All main stakeholders and decision-makers participate.
• The parties are (eventually) able to express the reasons for their discomfort and distress.
• The parties are capable of making plans and keeping promises.
• There is full transparency

Collaborative divorce can work spectacularly well. They are also known as Non Adversarial Divorce.

The main advantage of a collaborative divorce is that it helps preserve a good working relationship between the divorcing couple. An acrimonious divorce serves no one’s best interest – both parties often go through a great deal of emotional turmoil, from which you’ll feel the effects even if you “win.” A collaborative divorce can help you maintain your emotional health, start your new life on the right path, and be more likely to succeed as co-parents.

• It starts and ends with what the participants care about
• The collaborative process provides the structure for difficult conversations and helps with divorce assistance.

• Many couples choose collaborative divorce to reach an agreement without court. Collaborative divorce is a Non Adversarial Divorce and private process that focuses on reaching a creative divorce settlement that's fair and meets the needs of both spouses and their families.
• Parties realize that continuing their disputes may have costly consequences.
• They genuinely want to change the situation and need each other's cooperation to do so.
• All main stakeholders and decision-makers participate.
• The parties are (eventually) able to express the reasons for their discomfort and distress.
• The parties are capable of making plans and keeping promises.
• There is full transparency

As opposed to litigation, during the divorce mediation process, spouses work with a neutral mediator who helps both parties come to an agreement on child custody issues, property division issues, and other aspects of their divorce.  Mediators don't make decisions or offer legal aid divorce advice, but rather serve as facilitators to help spouses figure out what's best for their situation.  When spouses reach agreement through mediation, most mediators will draft (and possibly file with the court) a divorce settlement agreement.

Mediating your divorce has a lot of advantages over litigating it (fighting it out in court).  

• Cost. Mediation is much less expensive than a trial. Settling the case. Most mediations end in the settlement of all of the issues in the divorce. 
• Confidentiality. Mediation is confidential, with no public record of what goes on in your sessions. 
• Freedom. Mediation allows you to arrive at a resolution based on your own ideas of what is fair in your situation, rather than having a solution imposed upon you based on rigid and impersonal legal principles. Advice still available. You can go to mediation and still choose to have a lawyer give you legal advice. 
• Control. You and your spouse—not the court—control the process.
• Communication. The mediation process encourages communication between you and your spouse, helping you avoid future conflicts, and with divorce assistance

Successful mediation makes the rest of your divorce easier: Because you've done all the hard work of hammering out the details in the mediation, you can file an "uncontested" divorce. Uncontested divorces are usually less expensive and faster than litigated divorces (divorces where the couple battles in court).  With an uncontested divorce, you'll save money on attorneys' fees and the costs of going to trial. Also, many courts fast-track uncontested cases because everything has been worked out in advance, meaning that a judge will be able to finalize your divorce faster than if you'd gone to trial.  

Mediation can work for many if not most divorcing couples, even ones who have hard feelings and lots of issues to resolve. While mediation is worth trying for most pairs, not all of them belong in mediation. 

Mediation might not be for you if:  

• You have experienced domestic abuse or fear for your or your children's safety. If you are currently experiencing or recently experienced domestic violence or the threat of violence, mediation isn't for you—you should seek divorce assistance or at least any assistance from a lawyer or other qualified source. If there was abuse in the relationship but it was some time ago, you should weigh the pros and cons of mediating carefully. Depending on the circumstances, some who have been abused might find it empowering to meet on the level playing field of a mediation session. Also, most mediators will take precautions to ensure that mediation occurs in safe conditions (for example, by meeting with the spouses separately). Others who have been abused, however, could reasonably find it traumatic to have to mediate or might feel the power or intimidation dynamics are too great—they might choose to have a lawyer do their negotiating for them. Also, some mediators won't take cases that involve domestic violence. 
• Your spouse has a history of being deceitful or untrustworthy. If you suspect that your spouse is hiding assets, wasting funds, or lying, mediation probably isn't worth your time. You won't be able to successfully negotiate unless both spouses are truthful, make full disclosures, and play by the rules. 
• You suspect your spouse wants to delay the proceedings. Because the mediator can't order either of you to do anything, a person who wants to delay the proceedings or avoid paying support can abuse the process by agreeing to mediation and then stalling the process. 
• One of you is claiming fault or has hired a lawyer. When a spouse is claiming that the other is legally at fault for ending the marriage (a claim you can't make in all states), a successful mediation is less likely—but not impossible. If your spouse has already hired a lawyer, you should strongly consider hiring one, too. Your lawyer will help you decide if participating in mediation is worth it based on the facts of your situation. 

For divorces without those kinds of circumstances, divorce mediation can be a great option. It's especially effective when both people show up open to compromise.  

Don't reject mediation just because you and your spouse see a particular issue very differently—in other words, don't give up before you've begun. Mediation is a powerful process, and many cases that seem impossible to resolve at the beginning end up in a settlement.